Dating

There is nothing more exciting than a first date, but often the excitement turns to nerves and this can leave you in such a state that you don’t enjoy the date as much as you could. While feeling some nerves when you are meeting and dating someone new is normal and is actually a good thing, there are some things that you can do to help relieve those nerves after meeting that will allow both you and your date to enjoy your time together.

The best thing you can do is have an ice breaker planned. Many times when you are on a date with someone that you don’t know well, the conversation is slow to start. You can combat this by having a topic in mind to sort of get the ball rolling. If you aren’t sure what to talk about to get things started, bring up music, the car they drive, or even their clothing. This is a great way to get the conversation started and hopefully it will keep going!

Choose a relaxed setting for your first date. There is no need to impress by taking your date to the stuffiest restaurant in town on your first date. You’ll both be a lot more comfortable in a relaxed environment where neither of you has to worry about etiquette or reading the menu. Choose a restaurant you both know and life, if possible.

Really listen to your date when they talk. When you actually listen to what they say and you take it in, you will find that the conversation will flow a lot easier. What a lot of us tend to do when we are nervous is ask a question and then ponder while they are answering what we will say next. Instead of worrying about it, why not just listen to what they say and allow the conversation to flow naturally from there?

Don’t assume that your date is going to be any better at the whole ice breaker and first date thing than you are. If you both just sit there staring at one another, it’s not going to be a very good time. So start with an ice breaker and take the initiative, otherwise you could both spend all evening worrying about whether or not the other person is going to start talking! What fun is that?

If you want a first date to go well you just need to try to relax and go with the flow. Usually when you break the ice the rest is history. Of course, if you start talking about your emotional baggage or your ex you may bring the date to a screeching halt. You also don’t want to talk so much that your date can’t get in a word edge wise, just be yourself and chances are things will go really well!

When you are married and then suddenly your spouse is no longer around, it can definitely be a shock to the system.  At first you vow that you will never date or marry again, but over time you begin to crave the companionship of someone of the opposite sex.  Dating again can present some exciting opportunities as well as some down right scary challenges.  There are a few tips to follow that will help you enjoy your new dating life as much as possible.

First and foremost, don’t date until you feel that you are really ready.  Many people will want you to get out there right away, but you need to follow your heart.  Only you know when you are ready to start dating again.  It may be six months or it may be six years, don’t be pressured by your friends and family who want to fix you up with great people that they know.  If you begin dating when you are ready you’ll be a lot more comfortable and the result is that you’ll have a much better time.

Consider the fact that things may have changed since you last dated.  You may want to read up a bit on modern dating trends, even watch a bit of cable television, and even talk to your friends.  You may be surprised to learn what changes have been made to the art of dating while you were away.  If it has been a couple decades since you last dated, you may find that the dating scene is much more relaxed than it ever was when you were a part of it last, which may be a good thing for you!

Consider online dating.  This is a great way to segue into dating in the flesh.  You can check out who is out there, talk to those that you are interested in, and only meet in person when you are ready.  This will also avoid those uncomfortable visits to smoky bars and noisy clubs if this is not your thing.

One of the best things that you can do for yourself if you are ready to date is change your look.  Try a new hairstyle or a new hair color.  Try something different with your make up if you are a woman and try something new with facial hair if you are a man.  Simple changes can make you feel good about yourself and allow you to more easily embrace the changes that are coming your way.

These tips will help you look forward to dating and perhaps even help you be a success right out of the gate.  The important thing is not to expect too much when you first get back into dating.  You may not meet someone that you want to marry, but you may have the opportunity to meet people who will enhance your life and show you a good time, and that is what you need.

When you are out with someone new you may feel like you are flying blind trying to read them and determine if they are enjoying their time with you and whether or not they are really interested.  The funny thing is that there are a lot of subtle hints that we all leave when we like someone we are out with, and when you learn what these signs are you will be able to look for them and get a better read on whether the person you are on a date with is into your or not.

The Distance Closes.  At the beginning of the date each of you will require a lot more of your own personal space.  This is normal, because when we don’t know someone or we aren’t sure if we like them we want to have a lot more space between us and them.  When we like someone we will slowly allow for this distance to close until we are touching or near touching.  If you aren’t sure if the person is into you, see if they move closer or move further away from you as this will be something that they do without even thinking about it.

Constant Eye Contact.  Someone who is interested in you will have near constant eye contact with you, or will at least make eye contact with you periodically when you are talking.  If someone doesn’t make eye contact with you at all and looks around when you are talking, this is generally an indication that they are not all that interested in you…at least not yet.

Mirror Image.  A great way to gauge your date is to smile at them, if they smile back at you this is a good thing.  The same thing can be said for laughter, small touches on the hand, or anything of this nature.  When people are really interested you may find that you can touch your face and they’ll touch their face, almost as if a mirror image of you.  This is something that most people do without even thinking about it, so have fun with it!

The Conversation.  Conversation is everything when you are on a date.  Many people worry if there is silence, but silence in and of itself is not a bad thing.  Natural silences are good, it means that you are both comfortable enjoy to be yourselves.  If you can have a good conversation with one another where you are both sharing, this is a good sign.  If you are struggling to get them to say anything, this usually isn’t a good thing!

Many times you will just be able to feel that there is a connection or chemistry brewing between you.  If you are feeling that this may be the case, look into these other things.  This will help you ensure that what you are feeling is reciprocated, which is important when dating!

It’s a new year and that means that the slate has been wiped clean and you can change your dating life and make it what you want to be.  There may have been things in the past that you were doing or not doing that you were holding you back from having a truly fulfilling dating life, but you can do away with all of that and turn a new page from the very beginning of this new year.

To get started you need to sit down and really think about what you are looking for in a date.  Are you just looking to have fun this year, or do you think you are ready to settle down?  What would your ideal, though realistic, man or woman be like?  You need to determine this.  So many people are not happy because they don’t actually know what they want from their love life.  When you are able to pinpoint who you are looking for it will be a lot easier to know it when you find them.

Don’t pass up opportunities to meet new people this year!  In the past you may have been invited to something or asked out and decided that it was a waste of your time, yet here you are, still looking for someone to make you smile so it might have been worth it.  Make a pledge to yourself this year to take advantage of as many opportunities to meet new and interesting people as possible.

Work on being confident in who you are and what you want.  Face it, confident people are so much more attractive than insecure people, so you need to work on being comfortable with who you are.  When you are able to exude confidence in who you are and what you want from life, suddenly you’ll find that you attract a lot of different people, people that could take up permanent residence in your life!

Learn from your past mistakes.  You should evaluate all of your relationships or dates gone wrong and determine what went right and what went wrong.  When you review this you can learn what you should and should not do next time, as this will allow you to only improve your dating experiences instead of repeating them again and again.

Determine if you are really ready to date.  Many of us just aren’t in a mindset that allows for any type of dating, at least not yet.  If you are recovering from a bad break up or just don’t want the hassle of dating right now, be honest and don’t force the situation.  It’s better to go MIA on the dating scene than to suffer through something that you really don’t want to be doing in the first place.

It doesn’t seem to matter where you live, who you are, or what you do for a living, times are tight right now.  With the economy at its lowest point in generations and many people losing their jobs, being able to go out for an expensive dinner and a movie just is not in most people’s budget right now.  You might be wondering if you are destined to be alone, at least until the recession is over, but even during tough times you can find a way to date without going broke.  The great thing about right now is that everyone is tightening their belts and trying to save money, so you can get away with being cheaper when dating without looking like you are just a cheap person who isn’t capable of having fun.

Take a Walk Together.  You don’t have to go out to the movies or even go to dinner; you can take a walk through a local park together or hit some nature trails that you have wanted to check out.  This will cost little or nothing, perhaps just a bottle of water or two and some snacks, but you’ll have a lot of fun.  This is a great way to reconnect or learn more about each other as you’ll have plenty of time to talk and share.

Dine in.  In the past if you were on a date you were usually having someone else prepare your food for you.  Oddly enough, preparing food together is much more intimate than having someone do it for you.  Why not talk about a meal that you both love and then attempt to make it together?  This will bring you together in a new way and will have you laughing, sharing, and eating together.

Check out local events.  Many times local events will cost little or nothing to attend and you can enjoy local flare, great crowds, art, food, and so much more.  If you are not too worried about spending just a bit of money, you may want to get in on a wine tasting that will usually provide you with lunch and great wine, if you are both into this.

Rent a movie.  Going to the movies can easily cost $50 to $100 but it doesn’t have to.  Instead of going to the movies, rent a movie at your local video store or even get one on pay-per-view through your cable provider.  While it may seem like a lot to rent a movie for $4 from your cable company, it’s a lot cheaper than going to the movies and as quickly as movies are released for rent these days, you’ll have a great selection to choose from!

Grab dessert or appetizers.  Instead of going out for a meal, go out in between meals when either of you are likely to be as hungry and enjoy an appetizer and coffee together, or even grab dessert.  This will allow you to dine out, but the bill will likely be 1/3 to ½ as much, making dining out so much more affordable in these recession tough times.

So many people who are dating aren’t having any success meeting high quality people because they aren’t confident.  Confidence in dating really is important because it allows for you to truly put your best self out there.  When you feel confident you won’t settle for less than you deserve, and this is important when you are trying to meet new and exciting people.  If you don’t feel confident, you need to work on building confidence, because until you do you will not be successful.

Luckily, there are some great ways that you can build confidence right now.  You may find through some simple exercises that you really do like yourself and you want to be a success with dating.  Some of the things that you can do to build confidence include:

1. You first need to establish if you are ready emotionally to date.  If you are recovering from a bad relationship that has you down, just take a break from dating until you are really ready.
2. Make a list and write it down of all the things that you do like about yourself.  We spend so much time focusing on what is wrong, focusing on what is right will make you feel good.
3. If you are worried that people don’t like specific things about you, ask your friends to be honest with you about these things.  You may find that you are much harder on yourself than other people.
4. Change the things about yourself that you don’t like or that you know other people don’t like after talking with your friends, start with the easiest to change things first.
5. Work on getting in the best shape possible.  When you don’t feel good about your body you aren’t going to exude the confidence that you need when dating.  Just start working out and you’ll see that you look and feel better right away.
6. Stop doing the things or hanging out with the people that make you feel bad.
7. Start a new hobby or allow yourself to enjoy something that you haven’t in the past.  When you do things you love it will make you more enjoyable to be around.
8. Stop taking things so seriously.  When you start to enjoy the little things in life you’ll feel more fulfilled and therefore confident about who you are.
9. Only date the type of people that you really want to spend time with.  Don’t settle for someone because you feel like you aren’t good enough.
10. Set some goals for your life and share them with the people that you date, you’ll feel great about yourself as you make it known that you are going places.

As you can see, these are some simple things that you can do to build more confidence and appear more confident when you are dating.  It’s not about acting more confident, it’s about doing things that will make you feel good and really learn to love and appreciate yourself.

Whether you met someone in a strip club and fell for them or fell for them and then found out that they were a stripper, dating someone who is in this line of work can be difficult.  While not everyone would choose to date a stripper, you can do it and you can make it work.  You just have to learn to accept your love interest’s occupation and you also have to be the right kind of person.

Dating a stripper is not easy because there are going to be people who make your love interest the object of their wildest fantasies.  Most people don’t like to think about anyone wanting their lover, but when you date a stripper this is a well known fact.  You need to come to terms with the fact that your love interest has a job that makes them a sexual object. This can be difficult at first, but hopefully in time you can accept that your lover is choosing to go to work and be the object of other people’s sexual fantasies.

You cannot be the jealous type if you want to date a stripper.  If you are jealous you will go crazy every time your lover gets dressed (or undressed!) to go to work.  If you are the jealous type you will begin to feel resentful and you will take it out on your boyfriend or girlfriend.  Only people who are not the jealous type and really understand that the person is doing a job will be able to date a stripper with any success.

Depending on where you live and where the person works, you’ll have to accept the fact that other people may be touching them.  Lap dances take place in just about every strip club around the world and if your lover is a stripper they are going to be touched and touch other people.  This can be hard to deal with, but again it is something that you will have to learn to accept or not date the person.

When you find out that the person you are dating is a stripper you have two real options. Your first option is to accept it and everything that comes with a person who has such an occupation.  The other option is to break it off and cut your losses while you still can.  Dating a stripper is difficult, if not impossible, if you are jealous or not accepting of the job that they do.    You need to be open and honest about your reservations and talk about things as they come up.  If you try to ignore your jealousies and the like you will end up ruining what could otherwise be a great relationship.

Dating someone who is controlling can be very difficult, especially if you have always been an individual.  If you are dating someone who tries to control every aspect of what you do and who you do it with, you should know that you are in a potentially dangerous situation.  While the controlling nature may be flattering at first, it is not something that will stay cute for very long.  Instead of being controlled and for allowing this behavior to go any further, you should definitely put a stop to it.

The best thing you can do if you are in a new relationship with someone who is controlling is let them know that while you enjoy your relationship with them, you need to remain an individual and remind them that you are in control of your life.  Let them know that you make decisions about where you are going and who you are going with and you don’t need them to do that for you.

If you have been in a relationship with a controlling person for awhile you are going to need a bit more careful.  The problem is that the pattern of behavior that is controlling in nature is probably well established and it will take some time to undo what has been done.  You should start just by talking to them.  Don’t be accusatory and don’t be confrontational, just let them know that you feel suffocated by the amount of control they want over your life. 

Take every opportunity to assert your independence.  This doesn’t mean that you have to be mean or disrespectful, what it does mean is that you need to seize the opportunity to make your own decisions.  Go ahead and go out for that drink after dinner with your co-workers without calling and asking first.  Make plans to go out with the girls and keep them and then tell your controlling lover about it later.  This will allow you to assert your independence and individuality and show them that when you are done that you will still come home to them.

Do what you can to make the person understand how you feel about them.  Many people who are controlling behave this way because they are afraid of losing the person that they are attempting to control.  Make your feelings clear and let them know that you don’t plan on going anywhere. A little bit of reassurance can go a long way with someone who is controlling.

Get out if it doesn’t stop.  Controlling behavior can lead to physical altercations which can escalate and get out of hand quickly.  It can be difficult to get out of such a relationship for many reasons, but it is the best thing you can do if you cannot remedy the controlling behavior on your own.

We all have different things that turn us on, and some people can’t even explain why the things that turn them on turn them on.  If you have just found out that your love interest has what you consider a strange fetish you may be feeling a mixture of emotions. You may be freaked out in the beginning, then you may even feel disgusted, embarrassed, or even confused.  You may feel like you are out of your league with your mate or like you don’t really know them at all.  You have some options when dealing with someone who has a strange fetish.

1. Embrace it.  You can learn as much about their fetish and as much as you are able, you can indulge them. 

2. You can choose to ignore it.  If you do this, you run the risk of making your mate feel unappreciated or unvalued.  This is one of the worst choices that you can make.

3. If it’s something that you don’t feel comfortable doing yourself, perhaps you just encourage them to look at pictures or watch videos of their fetish so that they can feel fulfilled in this way.

4. Allow them to explore their fetish with other people, if you two agree to an open relationship.

5. Tell them that you are not accepting of their fetish and that you cannot be a part of it.

As you can see, you do have some options when you are with someone who has a fetish that you don’t share.  You just need to remember that when someone shares their fetish with you that they are sharing a part of themselves with you that they probably have not shared with many people, if any.  Even if you don’t share the fetish or understand it, you shouldn’t make them feel badly for sharing this information with you.  If someone can share this with you, it means that they care for you and have a high level of trust in you.

What you do is totally up to you.  A lot of people have to go through a series of options before they find the right one for them.  Your initial response may be that you don’t understand or accept their fetish, but then in time you may be willing to learn more about it and actually participate.  We don’t al have the same fetishes, but being open and honest about them can bring you together in a new way, even if you never like something as much as your mate.  Try to be as open as possible, who knows; maybe the fetish of your mate will be something that you will enjoy, too!

Alcoholism is one of those things that many people are able to hide or do not even acknowledge and many people find themselves surprised at the fact that they are dating an alcoholic.  This generally is something that you find out over the course of a few weeks or even a few months. Depending on who the person is and how they drink to feed their addiction, it may be years before you truly realize the depth of their alcoholism.  Regardless, dating or even loving an alcoholic can be very difficult.

You need to realize when you are dating an alcoholic that you are not to blame for their drinking.  You may be told when they are angry or hurt, “You made me drink like this…” but you should know that if you are truly dealing with an alcoholic there is not much that you could have done to have them NOT drink.  Don’t take the blame for their drinking, their problem likely existed long before you came into the picture.

You also need to accept that an alcoholic will not get help until they are ready.  You could beg and plead and even pay for them to get into a state of the art rehab, but if they are not ready to stop drinking they won’t.  Many people feel like if the person that they were dating or in a relationship with just loved them enough they would quit.  Addiction is a powerful thing and no amount of love for you will supersede the love and the need for the alcohol.  This sounds harsh and it can be heart breaking when you realize that your love cannot cure them and their love for you cannot help them overcome the addiction.

Dating an alcoholic can be very trying.  You may find that they are themselves one day and then a raging drunk the next day.  This can be a difficult way to nurture a relationship because you just never know what you are going to get.  You may be tempted to give ultimatums or to threaten to leave, but unless you are really willing to go forward with your threats, you shouldn’t waste your time.  Remember that an alcoholic will only change on his or her accord and most of the time threats and ultimatums are not enough.

Don’t change who you are to support the addiction.  If you cannot stand to stay in a relationship with an addict for another moment without compromising your beliefs, don’t.  Many times you have to just walk away and hope that eventually the alcoholic will get clean and sober, while you are still interested in making the relationship work.

Remember that even if the person goes to rehab on their own accord with their encouragement that everything is not going to be perfect.  It can be difficult to stay sober and you may find that there are a lot of underlying trust issues as a result of the alcoholism.  Always encourage the person that you care for to get help, but don’t stay in the relationship and allow for it to take away from your quality of life.